Dream big or don't sleep.

September 24, 2008 1:51 AM

Thursday, October 9, 2008

'This was probably better in my head.'

Our smiles once blossomed as beautiful as daisies in the purest hope of spring. The laughter passing our lips, as soothing as the whispering early evening breeze. Cozy embraces spent beneath the heated starry skies of summer fueled the sparks. Chemistry as firey as the rising sun above still waters and dew covered grass raced through the air we shared together. Too soon all of those feelings, fade and fall like the leaves in the wake of autumn. Hearts stripped like the trees, uncovered and unattached. Vulnerable to the sweeping in of the frigid breath of winter. The soft white snow trickles down from the bluest skies, burying what was left of our yesterdays; blowing in with the fresh promise of new tomorrows.
Then the cycle begins once again; strong hopes of alternative endings dance in the songs of the birds perched proudly along power lines and fences. Optimism shining through the clouds and soaking in like pouring rain. Faith filled thoughts of long walks through parks, the scent of autumn waltzing in the wind. Dreams of December mornings spent with bittersweet caffeine and afternoons twirling in the precipitation of snowflakes. Butterfly inducing thoughts of lazy nights spent wrapped in blankets and warmed by smiles. Naive hopes and pretense of love.

Sometimes when all is still and my mind isn't focused on any specific action, my thoughts run to you. The pace of my flowing blood seems to speed up, sending a weird rush through my body. I bite my lip and hold my head in my hands, sometimes letting more than just a few tears escape.
The simplest things set off these thoughts. Songs, phrases, photos, anything that I can somehow connect to you or a moment we shared. I think of how things may have changed had I done so, or had you done so. Would this be any different if I hadn't said this or done that? Could I have done something wrong....or was I just all wrong? Questions, visions, everything flows through my mind at the speed of light. Bun then I remember, this wasn't my doing, it was yours.
I put forth more effort with you than I ever have with anyone. And I learned to never do it again..........or maybe I didn't learn. Or maybe I just still have tons of silly faith.

I know I've gotten better at calling what's going to happen, and being right. But regardless, I'm not any better at walking away or letting go than I was back then. I always seem to think people will be different, but as usual, I'm never right.

I guess I'm just a little more naive than I thought.

Labels: breeze, butterflies, daisies, faith, fall, fresh, hearts, laughter, lazy, lips, love, promise, sky, smiles, spring, stars, summer, sun, winter

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:25 PM

September 18, 2008 12:29 AM

'Rants'

First:
A few days ago, I was in the chat on Before Their Eyes' myspace page. Reading some random bitching about Christianity and what not. I don't even remember what this person was saying, other than when he said "Gay people are braver than Christians." Which made me roll my eyes like no other. And like I said on there:

Admitting to who you are and what you believe in is bravery in itself. You don't have to be gay or Christian to be brave.

Your religion, your race, culture, sexual preference - none of that makes you brave. It's admitting that whatever that specific thing may be, is part of who you are. Admitting that you believe in something and standing up for it, defending it; that makes you brave. Being yourself without hesitation - that makes you brave.
Authenticity is beautiful.
There are roughly seven billion people out there - all are different - we're like living, breathing snowflakes. Sure, there are common grounds between everyone. And sure, you can't really separate one life from the next as we are all connected by each others daily actions, whether you realize it or not. But common thoughts, beliefs and morals do not make you the same. It merely connects you with people.
We all think with different minds, see through different eyes and feel with different hearts.
There are seven billion different human beings out there. Being able to be one of those few out of the seven billion that dare to make who you are, what you feel and what you believe, known to the rest - that is beautiful. And that my friends, is brave.
Whether you're heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual - male or female - Christian, Atheist or whatever. Being you, makes you brave.

Labels: atheist, authenticity, beautiful, before their eyes, beliefs, bi, brave, bravery, christian, different, gay, human, morals, people, rant, religion, straight, thoughts

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:21 PM

September 14, 2008 11:58 PM

'You're like a storm'

The weather today reminded me of you and your role in my life.

The early afternoon heat reminded me of how you always used to keep me on my toes. How you always had a way of taking my breath so easily. The way you never failed to spread a rose shade tint to my complexion, making me bite my lip, and try not to smile. Never wanting you to figure me out, like I had you.
Then set in a calm breeze, that reminded me so much of the many times when the eye contact and subtle touches sent shivers up my spine. The few times that I wasn't so nervous. The times when it was just us and your sweet talk. The way you made my legs shake, and almost buckle.
Fierce, loud winds came rushing through, reminding me of all the destruction you brought with your presence. Flickers of electricity going on and off, like the skipped beats of my heart. The rain that accompanied, symbolic of the tears that fell from my eyes at your command. The fallen branches and debris reminiscent of the fallen pieces of my heart.
The sky then faded to black, it's darkness reminding me of your absence. But it's peace reminding me that, maybe, just maybe I can forget you completely and feel free, like I was once able to so long ago.
The combination of the soft chirping of the crickets, light rainfall and the subtle breeze come together. They're gently singing a song of new tomorrows that are just a twirl of the sun away.
The night chill bringing it's reminder of a new season setting in - a new chapter in the making. One that your not apart of.

And for the first time, I think I might just be okay with that.

Labels: absence, breeze, chapter, command, cry, darkness, destruction, heart, hurricane, ike, life, love, rain, reminder, season, song, storm, sun, tears

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:19 PM

August 30, 2008 1:44 AM

'Chutes and Ladders'

[See squares twenty-eight and eighty-seven.]

Why is it that life always seems to be like one giant game of chutes and ladders? I'll have a decent day, or even a decent few days - maybe just a decent hour. Which is kind of like hitting a ladder, ya' know? You get excited and your insides get all tingly n' whatever. A smile forms over your lips and things start to look up. Optimism sets in and a sense of joy serges through your veins. But then all too soon, it's like you hit a slippery spot and go flying down back to where you were; if not even further down. Just like a chute. Body tenses, smiles fade and eyes shut as your heart cracks - maybe shatters. The pessimism hits with vengeance and the weakness returns with it's pay back. Like all the happiness you experience gets thrown back at your face like a ton of bricks.

I wish things weren't always so complicated. I wish things could just be easy, even just for a little while. I wish I was better than all this. I wish I was even half good enough for anything. I wish a lot of things, actually.

I need some shooting stars, asap.

Labels: chutes, days, easy, fall, happy, hour, joy, ladders, life, optimism, pain, pessimism, serge, slip, smile, stars, wish

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:15 PM

August 29, 2008 1:55 AM

'2AM'

I hate how you can render me speechless, yet cause me to babble like a complete fool. But no run-on or incomplete sentence that flows from my fingertips could ever reveal what I want oh so badly to say.
Sometimes I wish that the flashes and sparkles of the many emotions in my eyes could just do the talking for me. But what good is eye contact when you're so many street lights and stop signs away? When down the road is more like across the Earth?
I swear the radiation of the smiles you cause to spread across my lips could out do the rays of the sun. Just like the echo of the laughter could deafen the New Years crowd in Times Square.
You cause my pulse to race so effortlessly, with such an ease. You're a master. You pushed your way into the core of my heart without breaking a sweat. Nothing you make me feel is subtle in the very least. But hey, it's go big or go home, right?

The sky is the limit and the world is ours. You be the thunder that shakes me. I'll be the lightening that keeps you moving.

Labels: babble, earth, emotion, eye contact, fool, laughter, lightening, love, new york, reveal, road, sentence, sky, smiles, speechless, stop signs, street lights, sun, talk, thunder

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:13 PM

August 22, 2008 2:34 AM

'Love doesn't mean a thing...'
if it's not leaving us light headed. All my headaches are in my chest for you now.

I never thought you'd be what you are to me now. I thought it'd be merely like a passing of a leaf through the chilled autumn breeze. One that slowly tumbles to the ground, and ever so quietly makes its exit.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Sure, you entered the same. Slow, delicate and with the same casual ease as the winds of the fall. However, you ended up staying for quite some time, moving closer with every push of the air. I found my smile gradually widening with the passing of the days and weeks. But then ever so slowly, the breeze has inevitably switched directions. I found that smile creeping away, as my heart began to crack. Paces quickened and things happened faster. The breeze picked up, and off you were. Now I find myself struggling, chasing, trying to keep a grip. Though now an opposing wind has set in. I find myself being pushed back as you're being pulled ahead. I don't have the strength to fight it. I feel now more than ever that I've been defeated and there's no use in fighting. But then there's those moments when I catch the distant sparkle in you eyes and it sends electric currents through me. As though your heart is calling to mine to keep fighting because it knows that you feel this more than your mind does. After all it's the heart that really matters.

People can always change your mind - but they can never change what's within your heart.

So make like a leaf and fall, I'll be the grass patiently waiting to catch you.

This won't make any sense - it was better in my head.

Labels: autumn, boys, chase, chest, electric, fall, fight, headaches, heart, leaves, light headed, lose, love, mind, sparkle, struggle, you

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:11 PM

August 17, 2008 12:14 AM

'Picking up the habit of smoking would be less deadly than you.'

That's what you are - a habit, and a bad one.

You have this sick way of being able to control the beating of my heart. You can command my breathing to cease, and my legs to grow weak. The sound of your voice gives me chills and the feeling of you touch send electric waves through my veins. The sight of your smile brings one of my own across my lips. Pain surges within me after all this because I remember all too soon what things are really like. For every good minute we have, there's roughly one thousand four hundred and thirty-nine heart wrenching ones. On my part at least.
I have said numerous times that there's no way to put into words what you make me feel. I feel everything there is to possibly feel when it comes to you. I'll never be able to understand it. I don't think I'll ever want to, some things are best left not being understood.
All I can say is it wears me down and it eats at me all the time. Moments with you, conversations between you and I constantly play on my mind. Day and night, and some point you're consuming my thoughts. You give me itty bitty fluttery butterflies, and I hate it. Every single simple thing you do, isn't that simple at all because it strikes some chord in me. I can't stand it, it makes me ill that I could give someone that sort of power over my emotions. But I didn't really give it - you took it. Slowly and smoothly, you weaseled your way into my heart with a smile. I don't know what you intentions were, or what they are now. All I know is I'm tired of this.

I need to let go, and you need to open up your gorgeous eyes.

You can't put a heart on layaway; and I'm not waiting forever.

Labels: bad, butterflies, deadly, emotion, eyes, feel, forever, habit, heart, layaway, letter, life, love, sick, smoking, thoughts, time, understand

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:09 PM

August 3, 2008 4:17 PM

'Your name ain't Kelsey, but I'd swim the ocean for you...'

Billions of people in this world, and it's always you I'm writing about. How predictable.

6,714,388,019 people in this world and I still only want you. You're one of a kind and I love everything about who you are; both the good and the bad. I can't possibly explain how I feel about you, and even if I attempted to, I'd be a fool. This - you are unexplainable. Even if all it takes is one second of me looking in your eyes for me to be able read you like a book. That still doesn't mean I could ever grasp the right words to place together with enough beauty to describe you or what you make me feel.
Ever since I met you, I knew something was going to happen. I was so afraid of falling for you, I did so anyway, and now I'm terrified as ever. But here I am, on the floor and head over heals in love, regardless of my fears. What do I have to lose when I don't have you, anyway?
For now, I just sit back and wait. Always just wanting to see you happy, even if that means I'm not part of that happiness. I think that's what scares me the most. Is me not being a part of your life at all anymore. Or the fact that I might just sit and wait forever, always concerned about you and just forgetting about my own well being. But that's who I am, I keep myself on the back burner, always. Besides, seeing you smile brings a small sense of joy into my heart, even if just for a second. Even the short lived feelings count.

You'll never fail to make my heart skip a beat. <3

Labels: fear me for I'll sink this ship, feelings, hannah montana, happy, heart, kelsey, letter, lose, love, mason musso, metro station, miley cyrus, population, trace cyrus, words, world

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:07 PM

July 8, 2008 5:19 PM

I don't think you could ever understand the lengths I would go just to see you smile.
I don't know how or why you have the power to make me feel what I do. All I know is that I hate it, and I wish I had never allowed myself to get so wrapped up. I hate that if I even just glance at you, I could just fall over from my knees being weak. I hate that all it takes is for you to look me in the eyes and smile, and once again I've fallen. I hate when you touch me at all, I get chills up and down my spine. I hate that I could fight with you for hours via messages or texts, and smile the whole time just because it's you. I hate that even when you're being an asshole, I still just want nothing more than to be around you.
I hate a lot of what you say and do - but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't love you.

Labels: don't, eyes, fall, fight, glance, hate, liar, love, myspace, say, smile, text, weak, you

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:06 PM

July 7, 2008 5:05 AM

'It's always you keeping me awake.'

The wind is howling your name as the heat of the night mocks your touch. The soft hum of fans and air conditioners are reminiscent of your soothing voice. The cool side of the pillow reminds me of the cold side of your heart.

Tonight the sky is clear, because the stars are in your eyes.

Labels: awake, cold, cool, eyes, heart, heat, hum, name, pillow, sky, soft, stars, touch, voice, wind

posted by LyssaLoveless at 8:04 PM

July 6, 2008 3:44 AM

'This won't make sense, it's four in the morning.'

Dear you,
It's been a while since I've seen your face longer than just a passing glance, or a peak at a photograph. But somehow, you're still always on my mind. Your image still floats through my dreams at night and thoughts of you plague me each and every day. I even daydream about you, as cliché and childish as that sounds, it's true. Little scenarios run through my head and sometimes they feel so real, that I feel you there with me. Sometimes I even go to speak to you, then I realize how foolish I am. I awaken from my daydreams, and am shaken by the hardness of reality. The reality of knowing my hopes are false and my dreams are bogus.
It would take years to explain how even just the mere thought of you makes me feel. Explaining how you make me feel when I'm with you....now that would take a lifetime. I'm ridiculously smitten with you and I can't stand it. But I do. Each and everyday I wake up and start to more and more except that it won't happen. But that still never changes the fact that I'm always up for a challenge. No matter what the odds are, or what's in my way, I'll give it a shot. I'm always ready for a fight if I feel it's worth it.

And my God, for some silly reason; I think you're way more than worth it.

Open up those lovely little eyes of yours, and look around. I dare you to find one thing that's stopping you from this. "If you believed what you felt you would be in love." Because the more I think about you and the situations we've been in, the more I'm reassured that I can read you like a book. All it takes is a momentary stare into your eyes and I have you undone. You can shake your head, scream and deny all you want. You can hide and be afraid of what you feel all you want. But just because you're afraid of what you feel, doesn't mean you don't feel it.

One day, I will break you down. Mark my words: I WILL.

♥always.

Labels: believe, bogus, challenge, dreams, false, feel, fight, hopes, love, read, reality, scream, you

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:55 PM

June 16, 200 1:07 AM

'If I could pick any day to relive....'
It'd be this one:

No matter what life is like. Despite all the assholes, the bitches, the drama and any and all negativity in your life; you're going to have that one day. At the very least, that one day that's always going to stick out in your memory. That one day that you think back to, and you get the feeling of little butterflies dancing around your insides. You look back and smile knowing you wouldn't change a thing, that it was the closest to perfect that it could possibly be. You remember almost every little detail, and every bit of it makes you smile. One of those days, that when you're just sitting there, doing nothing in silence - you start giggling over a random moment that occurred. There's always that one day that you'll have that makes you feel incredible; so alive, care-free, extroverted - invincible. Days that erase silly insecurities and worries. Days that you feel your flaws are non-existent. Days that you'll hold in your heart and locked in your memory for as long as your body keeps going.
These days are made possible by being surrounded by good people. (Or even shitty people (or person) who just so happen to have woken up on the right side of the bed.) Being with a ton of people who are just happy (maybe wasted) and just want to have a good time. People who make you feel good, and burst the bubble of insecurities you have built around you - even if it's just for a little while.

Days like those and people like that are what make life worth while; even through all the bullshit.

I miss that day. I miss that feeling.

Labels: best, cinematic, craig, days, good, grog shop, happy, heart, insecure, life, live, memories, memory, music, people, perfect, shows, sunrise, victory records

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:23 PM

May 22, 2008 11:21 PM

'Yet another open letter'

To only you,

I hate that I feel any emotion for you at all. I hate that you sometimes give me fluttery little butterflies. I hate that you make my heart beat faster. I hate that you never fail to make me smile with your own. I hate the way you make me feel great - yet make me hate myself. I hate that you have that habit of making me feel like something special; or that I have any place in your life at all - because I know that I really don't mean a thing. Or at least not a fourth of what you mean to me. I sometimes hate that I met you to begin with.

I hate that the melody of your voice orders chills through my veins, and so perfectly pleases the taste buds in my ears. I hate that your whispers order me breathless. I hate that your smiles make my knees quiver. I hate that your sparkling eyes make me form a lump in my throat and cause my heart to pound. I hate that when we stand so close, that the feeling of your breath lingers over me and sends shivers down my spine.

I hate that I pray that when we're together, the light will be hitting in just the right way when you look at me. The way that'll make you think, "Damn." I hate praying that I could just be what you want, because God knows you're what you need. I hate just wanting to stand up and scream, "I'm in love!" with you, those beautiful eyes, oh and that smile.

What I hate more than anything is that I'm lying right now. I could never hate a single thing about you, not one bit. To be honest, I'd swim a whole ocean, just as long as you'd be on the other side. I'd run from the bottom of California, to the very top if I knew you'd be waiting. I'd walk from coast to coast if I knew I could be with you once I reached the other one. Sadly, I think that I might just do anything for you.

In short all I really wanted to say was:
Hey you, you make me weak.

And I'll never forget you.

♥ Me.

Labels: anything, beat, butterflies, coast, emotion, eyes, forget, hate, heart, letter, life, love, mean, meaning, pray, praying, rant, scream, smile, weak

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:21 PM

May 12, 2008 11:54 PM

'Conclusion'

I am the most compassionate person I know. I care about everyone to such a great extent, even if I don't show it, or if my actions contradict it. I truly do have a heart of gold. I love the people in my life, and I care about everyone more than is good for me. I constantly worry about those people too. I worry about everyone, even if I don't show it. Seriously, It gets a little ridiculous....I worry about people I hardly know or don't know at all. There is just this part of me that always wants to help people, and reach out to people. I think it's because I feel as though I lack a person like that in my life. I feel as though I don't have someone like that that's there for me when I need someone. I try so hard to help other people and to make them smile, and in the process I forget about myself. Hence leading me to get taken advantage of a lot. I think people often take for granted the fact that I'm always there. That they can always come to me, because no matter what, I always listen and give the best advice that I can. I put a lot into being there when my 'friends' and others need me. Often times I don't feel like half the people who run to me appreciate me being there. It kinda hurts, but I deal because I'm just that damn caring, sincere and compassionate. It'd just be a little nice to have that in return, ya' know. However; I'm not going to complain. I do this shit why? Because I care, therefore, I shouldn't expect anything in return. I never do either, I just get a little tired of feeling taken for granted, I guess. I don't even know.

BUT just keep in mind:
I'm here for you. I don't care if we're just friends on here, if I only kinda know you, if we're good / best friends, or if I have no idea who you are at all - I am here.

Goodnight, kids.
I love you. <3

Labels: advantage, appreciate, care, caring, compassion, conclusion, feeling, friends, gold, heart, hurt, love, need, sincere, sympathy

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:19 PM

April 16, 2008 10:52 PM

'Dear You'

I need to vent / rant to you. You may never see this, but at least this will bring me a small sense of relief. If you do read this; it's because I grew balls for a few minutes.

I love you. Not the, 'Hey, you're a great friend' love you. But they, 'Hey, I love you' love you. Ya' know? The first time we talked, part of me knew I'd be stuck with you for a while. That part of me was right. I had a slight feeling maybe a little attraction would develop; I didn't think it would progress so much. I just never imagined it would become this.

Never did I expect this; nor did I want it to be honest. (Maybe that's a tiny fib, though?) But it did happen; it was obviously meant to. Like I always say: everything happens for a reason. You can't help who you love, just as much as you can't change the way you feel. Even if you want to. There's no denying there's something there, whether you want there to be or not. There is, and it slightly blows my mind.

I know you feel something too. I know you do. That time we were sitting next to each other, and you leaned over to say something and you got real close, right in my face. It sent a shock through my body, and I know you had a similar reaction because you pulled back and I could read it in your eyes. (I'm good at that, by the way.) I read it on your face and in your eyes. That was the exact moment I knew for sure - it was the moment I first noticed it. It may have been the moment you realized it too....or it was the moment you confirmed it. Trust me, I can tell. I bet it scares you or maybe worries you, huh? (I can tell that too.) Again, I know for a fact that you know just as well as I do that there's something there. I can tell by the way you look me in the eye. The smiles you give here and there in certain moments, the way we laugh.

Then there's also this slightly naive way that I feel like I can trust you. I never feel that for a single person, ever. There's just something about you that makes me feel that if I needed to, I could put my life in your hands, and be fine. That scares me a little bit, especially because you'd think that some of the things you say would make me feel the opposite. But it doesn't. I have trust issues due to past experiences, but somehow you take that away. Hopefully, you never give me a reason not to feel that, because I like having that. (I'm not trying to say you're perfect, because I know perfection does not exist. You have flaws, several of them, just as all humans do.)

Ya' know what? I know that right now-if you are in fact reading this-you're smiling like a fool. I just know, I can clearly picture it. I can form a solid picture of everything from your stance to the look in your eyes. Because you know what? I know you all too well, kiddo. You know it too. (I know you're not stupid or ignorant. I have a decent amount of faith in you.)

Keep smiling pumpkin - it makes the sun shine.

♥Always,
Me.

"When you're in love with someone it inspires you and gives you hope. You have faith that even if you can't be with them on Earth, that if God wills, you will be with them one day in Heaven."

I'm going to sleep. I've been happier these past few days than I have in a long time!

Everything happens for a reason.

Labels: eyes, faith, feeling, happy, letter, life, love, reason, shine, smile, sun, yours

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:16 PM

March 5, 2008 11:46 PM

'I'm a crybaby, sissy bitch.'
(THIS WAS WRITTEN MARCH FOURTH @ ONE IN THE MORNING!)

I'm just sittin' in bed, browsing my Bible.

Then I thought about my prayer box necklace.

Which is this necklace here.
My gramma got it for me one year for either my birthday or Christmas. I love that necklace very much. You're supposed to place a tiny piece of paper inside with a prayer on it, or name of the people who you wish to keep in your prayers because you care about them and what not.

I pulled not one, but three little pieces of paper out of mine. With tiny, tiny writing on each, at least four rows of names on both front and back. I seriously have sooooo many names in that thing.

And reading through them. I don't think even a fourth of those people care about me like I do them. No - I know they don't. A majority of those people don't give two shits about the fact that I'm even breathing.

It breaks my heart to read through the names.
I just replaced the paper and rewrote the names in late January, by the way.

It hurts so much to look at because I care so much about people....and far more than I should. Where does it get me? Stepped on and pushed away.

Because I'm not good enough.

I'm not pretty, or cute. I'm not funny enough, I'm not cool enough, I'm not smart enough, or whatever reasons people give.

On a daily basis I have to live with knowing I mean nothing to some of the people that mean most to me. And it fucking kills me. Yeah, I know, I'm a crybaby. But honestly, what the shit did I do wrong? I don't think I deserve this.
I'm not a terrible person. I'm actually a really good person, with a really, really good heart. I just have some flaws like everyone else. Only mine seem to matter more to some people than other peoples do.

I basically have nobody. Really that's how I feel.
I know have some really good people in my life who tell me I can always come to them....and I know I can. But then again...no, I can't.

Honestly, I can't tell a single person everything. Not even my two best friends.

Because every time I tell someone something it makes me
A.) A creep.
B.) An idiot.
C.) An asshole.
D.) A douche.
E.) Ridiculous.
F.) Psycho.
G.) All the above.

Not only does it slightly piss me off, but it hurts like a mother fucker. I am probably one of thee most sensitve crybaby sissy's on the face of the Earth. I've dealt with so much in my life, and it's made me that way. I've been to Hell and back way more than once.

I promise I've been through, and still go through more than most of you. Every day I wake up and it's like, "Son of a bitch, why?"

I never show that to people - not in person. Because I fight it so hard. But there's just some days where it builds up and I can't take it.

Like right now - I'm in bed, bawling like a little bitch at fucking 1:03 A.M.
Absolutely pathetic and ridiculous.

I pretty much hate everyone/thing at the moment.

Whatever.

< / rant >

(Excuse any errors. I'm at least four feet from my screen and can hardly see.)

Labels: bitch, box, christmas, creep, cry, crybaby, hurt, idiot, necklace, pathetic, people, prayer, rant, sensitive, sissy

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:12 PM

March 1, 2008 1:27 PM

'Dear you, wanna know what's really, really stupid?'

The fact that I miss you so much that it makes me sick to my stomach to think of you. The fact that I'm almost brought to tears just thinking about what shit's like right now. It's stupid that you may be angry with me - or even completely hate me right now. Because I didn't do shit wrong...I'd own up if I did, and I know I didn't. But then again, you never know what people say nowadays.
Regardless of what you've heard, when you hear something, you need to come to me about it immediately instead of instantly making some sort of conclusion or judgment. I'm the only one who knows everything I do - other than God that is. (The man knows what's up.) If I knew I did something wrong - I would have 'fessed up and apologized a billion and twenty times. Trust me, I'm more mature than you may think.

I think it's really stupid that you're pretty much kicking me aside, and pushing me out of your life. Especially since you're not giving reason behind it. I hate it - I hate this. I don't understand it, nor do I really want to. I just want things to fall back into normalcy. Not that it was 'normal' per say, but you know what I mean. I just want it like it was before. I miss you. I miss you in my life, I miss having you there. I went from talking to you every day, sometimes for hours on end, to not talking to you at all. Shit's fucked up.

Don't lie to me and tell me how important I am to you, and how amazing I am etc. then just forget about me like that. I'm not about to just roll with that. I'm sick n' tired of being a doormat - I don't deserve it. Mean what you say, and say what you feel. I prefer honesty to bullshit. No matter what.

I miss you. YOU know who you are.

You know where to find me.

[<3]>

Labels: doormat, friends, honesty, letter, lies, life, love, mature, miss, noraml, people, rant, say, stupid, tears, think, truth, wrong

posted by LyssaLoveless at 7:09 PM

February 12, 2008 8:06 PM

'Let's rant about Valentine's Day, shall we?'

This particular holiday, annoys the fuck outta me.

No, it's not because I'm single. It's not because I'm bitter and envious. And it's not because I'm cold hearted and loveless (though that is my nickname!).

It's because some GIRLS just kill me - they infuriate me.

I always hear girls ranting, and complaining and shit about Valentine's Day.

"My boyfriend better have something amazing planned!" and / or
"We better being going somewhere fancy!" and / or
"He better have gotten me a ton of stuff!" and / or
"My present better be amazing!" and / or
"I better be getting spoiled!" and / or
"My boyfriend's going to be in so much shit if he doesn't make this day amazing! We'll totally be done."

Blah blah blah - want want want - expect expect expect. SHUT UP!

For the love of God, ladies, stop being so selfish. There is no rule to a relationship that Valentine's Day even has to be celebrated. Sure, it's usually the norm, and yeah...it usually is a big thing. But think about it. He has no obligation to do anything extraordinary for you at all.

That's what Valentine's Day is to little girls nowadays. A day where they expect extravagant gifts, pricey dates, fancy dinners, tons of gifts, etc. from their boyfriend. A day where girls expect to be spoiled, showered with disgustingly mushy affection and treated like they're absolutely perfect and worthy of the world. (Keep in mind, that these relationships typically last about a few months....until the lady finds the new "love of her life" for the following year's Valentine's Day.)

Valentine's Day was originally started by the Catholics, in honor of Saint Valentine (for feasting). It was meant to be a gesture of love to your special 'someone', whether it be husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, or a person to their crush.

Now, Valentine's Day, has been turned into some corporate advertisement for over-priced gifts, candy companies, flower companies and card companies such as Hallmark. It's become a day of high expectations, selfishness (in woman), greed and debt (to men, who have greedy, materialistic, crybaby women).

First of all, if you're not receiving some type of affection from your significant other year round, indicating that they truly do care about you, and have feelings for you...there's a problem there. Most likely, you're being used for some reason or another. If your man really loves you, you'll know it, and he'll show it year round. Not just one day each year. Sure, it'd be sweet to do something nice together on Valentine's Day. But as for expecting lavish gifts? No. If it's true love - be content with it. That should be enough, because it's something most people lack - so appreciate it.

Second of all, explain to me why it's fair for you to have high expectations of your boyfriend on this holiday? Why does he have to spoil you? Sure, chicks are the "delicate" one in the relationship - and yes, it is easier to do things for woman on this particular holiday. But honestly, I never hear about girls doing cute little things for their boyfriends on Valentine's Day. But every year, I get asked by guys that I know, "Valentine's Day is coming up! What do I do?" or "Oh my God! What do I get Sally for Valentine's Day...she's going to flip if it's not good!"

Every single year I hear guys stressing about what to do for their girlfriends - what to get them, where to take them, what to plan, what to wear on their date with them, etc. It's ridiculous.

Out of all those, the only thing I ever hear girls stressing about is, "What do I wear on the fancy date that Jim better be taking me on?"

Girls are just sketchy little creatures. I'm sick of listening to complaints every year, "Ahmygawd, Jim only got me a dozen roses, a card, and candy! Then he paid for dinner! WTF?"
Seriously, good luck in future relationships, moron.

Point is, girls have too high of expectations for their boyfriends. It's not fair.

And I don't want anyone saying that there's nothing you can really do for a boy, other than wearing skimpy lingerie and putting out. Because that's false - and if that's what he wants then he's a total skeeze.

There's plenty of cute things you can do for him, just put some thought and some heart into it. That's all that it really takes.

Material things aren't what really matters in relationships. No matter what you hear and see.

Diamond earrings aren't going to look you in the eyes, then whisper "I love you". They're not going to provide loving embraces, or comfort when you need it.
Sure, they probably look a little cuter with some of your outfits...but, that's not important.

Real love supercedes everything - be happy with that.

Give as much as you take...and stop being greedy girls, it's unattractive.

Anyways...I'm done now.

Stay in love - fall in touch. <3

ONE FOUR THREE.

Labels: boys presents, candy, couples, cry, date, dating, flowers, gifts, girls, hearts, love, relationships, selfish, spoiled, valentine, valentine's day

posted by LyssaLoveless at 6:52 PM

January 23, 2008 8:01 PM

Almost four years ago I when I was at the age of thirteen, I said something that I promised myself. I sort of made a pact with myself stating that: "If things aren't better, and I'm not happy by the time my sixteenth birthday rolls around, I'm going to commit suicide on that day."

That's how depressed I was in middle school, that's when I really broke. Thirteen years old, and I was telling myself that I was going to kill myself on the day of my sixteenth birthday if things didn't get better by then. Thirteen fucking years old, and at rock bottom, past it even. Thirteen years old and making a suicide pact with myself, giving myself three years left to live.

"Well, Elyssa, you're here now. So I take it things are better, and you're happy?"

Wrong. So, so very wrong. Sure some things did get better, I got over some things and maybe I did get a little bit happier. That's all exterior emotion, I've never let anyone see more than maybe a little sadness and a few tears. Nobody knows how bad I've really been, and how bad I sometimes still am.
Yeah, I smile and laugh a lot. There are things that make me happier than I have ever been. I'm not saying I'm always back in that same place as I was those few years ago. There are periods of times where I boomerang back to that place. Periods of time like right now - days like today.

Do I enjoy these periods of time? Absolutely not. Am I looking for pity out of my writings? No, and I'll pinch you if you try to give it. Nothing's worse than having someone's pity....usually.

I just need to vent, and rant sometimes. Especially about things that I feel I can't talk about verbally. I'm much better with a keyboard than I am with my mouth. Well...vocabulary wise that is. (Ha, see, I can be funny...) I don't feel limited to what I say when I'm typing, as opposed to when I am speaking. I don't get nervous about the looks I'm getting when someone reads my writings, because I don't see those reactions like I do when verbally speaking. I'm just very insecure like that. I'm insecure about 90% of who I am, and for lack of a better term...it fucking sucks.

Now the question is: "If you're so insecure and unhappy, Elyssa, why are you still alive?"

Well, to be completely honest, sometimes I just don't know. Sometimes when I have time periods like right now, I regret not following through. I second guess my decision, but then I remember why I didn't do it. I'm reminded of why I didn't by lyrics, by melodies, harmonies, guitars, bass, drums and vocals.

I'm reminded of why by five guys who have never once failed to make my heart burst, to make - not only me smile, but make my heart smile too.

"Gosh, Elyssa, what do you mean?"

Before I turned sixteen years old, before I had the chance to make any final decision - I found these guys:

(The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

And when I was fifteen years and five days old, I saw them live for the first time. Their first time in Cleveland. Yes, I liked them before then. I knew who they were before then, I'd chatted via internet with them (and yes, I did think I was sweet, thanks.). However, that night was the night that just sucked me right in. Just something about them. Their music, their presence, the way the talked to me, their sweaty hugs - just everything about those five guys drew me in. From that night on, I was hooked. Since then, I have NEVER missed a Cleveland show....and I never will.

July 6, 2006 - RJA's second time in Cleveland. They played a little private show in The Cambridge Room next to / inside of House Of Blues Cleveland. Samantha and I got to the little venue super early, and were the third and fourth people to walk inside. We stood right in front of where Duke would be standing. Then we suffered through Clever Dan, but I won't go into that. The guys in Jumpsuit came out, the crowd had pretty much zero reaction. They all continued with conversation, while the guys set up their stuff.

Then Duke and Joey come up to me and Sam smiling. First thing out of Joey's mouth?
"Okay ladies, I can't promise that I won't hit you...BUT, I'm going to try not to."

Classic. Then we ended up talking, Joey ventured off to finish setting up. After a few minutes, Duke ended up on the phone with Kelly 'cause it was Kelly's um, birthday. Ronnie came over with his beer and a cigarette and was like, "Who is he on the phone with?" So Sam and I explained, and he was like, "Ohhh, I thought he was on his phone. I was like, 'man, we have to play.'" Then I couldn't help but laugh at Duke hanging up after being done and immediately starting the first song. And Ronnie hurrying to finish the rest of his cigarette before he had to start singing.

That short show they did that afternoon / evening was what won me over completely. That little set captured my heart. All from just simple little things. The look I saw in their eyes as they played, the smiles on their faces, their energy, everything about their performance. The lyrics, the feeling of the bass pounding through my veins...it just completely stole me. The few seconds of direct eye contact and smiles from the guys as they did their thing (lame term, I know) and played their hearts out to the few of us that were there. I will never forget that day as long as I live, (assuming I don't suffer from severe memory loss as I age.) it holds great importance in my life and in my heart. After the show, the time I spent just hanging out with those guys, actually TALKING and taking pictures...and dropping cameras on heads (sorry Jon!) meant and still does mean the world to me.

Most people spend their whole lives searching for one special person. One single person that makes them feel alive. Just one person that makes them happy, someone that takes away stupid insecurities and makes them feel incredible. Everyone wants that one person that they can be nothing but themselves around, and just be completely content. It takes most people years, or a lifetime to find just one person. Here I was, not even a quarter of the way through my life. And I ended up stumbling upon five boys that instantly brought that into my life. I was amazed by it that night, and sometimes I still am. I have nobody else in my life that can erase my insecurities like that. Every single person I know, I feel highly self conscious around. I feel very insecure with everyone, and I feel insecure everywhere I go.
But these guys take that all away. I don't know how they did it, or how they do it. All that matters is that they do, and I don't want to ever lose that. That's my biggest fear, is losing that...losing them. Sadly, I can almost feel that fear coming true. With each passing month, each passing single, video, and tour I feel as though it's about to slip through my fingers. I don't want that, and I can't have that. I've never found anyone I feel comfortable around other than them, where I'm not worrying about anything or anyone else. Even when we're just talking via myspace, It's like we've been the best of friends forever. I can't find out what my life would be like without that...without them. I don't ever want to experience that, because that alone would be enough to kill me. That would destroy me.

Those five guys are my life, my heart my soul, my everything.

My five guardian angels; and I love them more than words could describe.
I owe them my life, literally, I do. I will never stop being grateful to all they have done for me.

**I forgot to mention a VERY significant event in all this. A little over a week before my sixteenth birthday...I celebrated, with RJA at House Of Blues during the Take Action! Tour.

Labels: alliance, apparatus, don't, face down, fake, guardian angel, it, jumpsuit, red, rja, suicide, the red jumpsuit apparatus, transmission, trja, yours

posted by LyssaLoveless at 6:27 PM

January 7, 2008 9:30 PM

'The Ugly Friend'

This is long, and I'm ranting like an asshole. Ya' know, the usual.
This applies to many, many people I know.

I've come to a realization in the past few days.

I don't go out much, and I don't allow myself to hang out and have a lot of friends.
Because for one - I get used by so many people - and for multiple reasons. Whether it be because of who I know, who I'm related to, for rides, etc.
All my life, people walk in and walk out as they please. And I hate it, because sometimes, I actually form attachments to some of those people. I can be the best of friends with someone for months, years any given amount of time - and then in an instant they just disappear; I get replaced. It's like a cycle for me. I've pretty much found myself with a new best friend every year of school. Sometimes they don't even last that long. The only one person I can say that I've had as a best friend for a long time is, Erin. We've been best friends since we were really little -fifteen years-, and I know she's one person I'll never lose touch with. And if we do, I'll be very upset. Nicole I see lasting forever too - I just don't think I'll ever get rid of her. We pretty much can't stop being friends - we have shit on each other. haha. [Wow, both of them gone now, whatta joke.]

Anyways moving on.

Second of all - (and this stemming off of number one.) Well...let's just say I'm not stupid. I know why some people hang out with me, and invite me places.
Just like Tags brought up one day while talking to me and Erin: "Most girls have that one friend thats not attractive, and they know that, and that's why she's there. To make them look and feel better when in certain places."
Known as - the ugly friend...that would be me. (No, I'm not looking for anything by saying that, so shut the fuck up, idiot. I'll pinch you.) I'm not dumb, I can see these things. This ugly friend thing doesn't apply to every girl I've hung out with. I mean, I'm not conceited - but then again I'm not stupid. I know I'm not cute, sorry, doesn't always bother me. Except for times like these.

I've always been the one that gets called to come hang out with my friend when either
A.) Her object of lust
B.) Potential boyfriend (or boyfriend)
C.) Crush
or
D.) Any cute boys at all

are going to be around. Because they figure, HEY bring the ugly friend, I'll look better. And that's pretty much what they say without saying it.
"Hey, the guy I like wants to hang out. I want you to come really bad, you have to." Meaning --> "Hey, the guy I like wants to hang. So since you're gross, can you come make me look better so that I have a shot?"

I'm not that stupid, sweetie - I can see right through your friendly bullshit. Don't think for one second you're fooling me.
Third point - I care for people so much more than I should. Cliché thing to say, yes. But truth, OH YES. I put so much effort into keeping in touch with certain people, and people that I don't see much. Just to be fucked over, and shrugged off. I work my ass off to help some people out, and I get taken for granted. I can't tolerate it. I'm so much nicer than I should be to most people, they get so much better than they deserve to out of me.

And yes, these things are pretty much all my fault, I know - I know. Everything pretty much has been weighing down on me a lot lately. I hate being in situations and places that make me think about this stuff and bring me to these realizations. I'm so emotionally fucked up, and I know this and I struggle with this every day of my life.

I am so unhappy with where I am, and who I am. And it eats at me daily. Part of me blames myself, because I know it's partially my fault. The other part places blame on the people that are in or have been in my life. Because they've brought some of this on. I get hurt by the majority of the people in my life - whether they know it or not. Half of those people would never even suspect that they hurt me....but they do. They do it often too.

The thing that sucks most about it? I can't find it in my heart to hate any of them, to dislike them, or to push any of them out of my life completely. I keep them hanging in, by atleast a thread. One that's just strong enough to keep them there, and hope that maybe things will be restitched.

I have so much hope and desire in my heart that it makes me sick. I know I sound pathetic, I know I am pathetic. I don't care right now though. I'm too stressed and too tired.

Like I've said before, I'm hopelessly hopeful.

Forget spelling and grammar, I don't feel like fixing this. It won't make sense when I re read anyway...

Labels: blame, boys, care, cliche, crush, desire, fool, friend, heart, hope, hurt, life, love, people, ugly

posted by LyssaLoveless at 2:50 PM

December 7, 2007 9:58 PM

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

'As days go by, the memories remain, I won't let go....[Casey Calvert]'

I've tried, and tried for days to be able to think of something to right. And here it is, my best shot. Yes, it may be a little scattered, but so are my thoughts:

As the majority of you know, on November 24, Hawthorne Heights made a shocking and devastating announcement - their guitarist and screamer, Casey Calvert, had passed away in his sleep Friday night.

I found out Saturday night around 10:30. I hadn't been home since 6:15, when I left to go to Great Northern with my best friend. I got home from the mall around 9:00, and my mom and I ran to Wal Mart. Shortly after getting home, I went on the computer to check all my shit. I began to browse through myspace bulletins, and I stumbled across one with the title "RIP Casey Calvert! :("

I got a little scared, so I quickly opened it. The body of the bulletin read, "OMG. Is it true?!" So I slightly rolled my eyes at it, thinking it was just like all the other death rumors floating along on the internet. So I clicked back, and kept browsing. Then I saw three bulletins in a row, all with similiar headlines. I immediately began to pretty much hyperventalate. I opened the first one, and it had a quoted message from the band. After reading it, I instantly began to cry. Part of me still wouldn't completely believe it though. People have done shit like that so many times, and it turns out to be fake. I quickly pulled up Hawthorne Heights' myspace, and sure as shit, my fear was confirmed. The message was real, and right on their blog. I read it once more, and closed it. I flew up from my chair, and turned my back to the computer. I covered my face, and leaned against the wall and began hysterically sobbing. My mom yelled for me to come into the kitchen, but at the state I was in, I had no intention of getting up to help her with whatever. So she came into the computer room, saw me leaning against the wall sobbing, and asked what was wrong. I began to choke a little, but I managed to get out, "Casey...Hawthorne Heights....he passed away."

My mom didn't believe it, so I pulled up Hawthorne's blog. Honestly, I do not remember my mom's reaction. All I know is her and my little sister left me in the room alone, and me just sobbing endlessly. I looked up to the screen, and there were multiple AIM messages up asking me if I was okay, or if I heard and if it was true. I ignored all of them aside from my best friend Nicole, who asked if I was okay. My response? No.

Casey meant a lot to me, as did the rest of Hawthorne Heights. I first began listening to Hawthorne Heights when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I had stumbled upon a band called, A Day In The Life, and shortly after found out that they had changed their name to, Hawthorne Heights.

When I was in middle school, my music taste had become limited to Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Green Day and Fall Out Boy - bands that were different from Hawthorne Heights. I stopped listening to a lot of bands, and I stopped looking for new music. I was very emotionally fucked up in middle school, and those bands that I did listen to helped me out so much. But they didn't do for me what Hawthorne did.

The first time I saw Hawthorne Heights was November 29, 2005 at House Of Blues Cleveland on The Never Sleep Again Tour. Which included: Aiden, Bayside and Silverstein. Until hearing about that tour, I didn't really listen to Bayside or Silverstein, and I had only heard of Aiden once. So, I started listening to each of those bands...more and more. Then seeing them live, it just, opened up a lot to me. I started expanding what I listened too, I checked out all the Victory Records bands and grew from there. I think it's safe for me to say that I owe a lot to Hawthorne Heights. Had it not been for them, I probably wouldn't be a huge Aiden fan, or I atleast wouldn't have become one when I did. And if that was the case, I probably wouldn't have been as set on going to that very first RJA show...(the first they ever played in Cleveland.)...and what the fuck would my life be without them? Sure I did listen to Jumpsuit before that, because I found them on my own through lurkin' and stuff, and yes I had talked to them via myspace before that too. But I wasn't a HUGE fan at the time, I was going more for Aiden. Then I found out Jumpsuit was playing too, and I was like, "Okay, we'll see what they're all about. This is their test." Needless to say, they passed with flying colors....and the rest is history. Now back on track:

Since that first show, I hadn't missed a Hawthorne show in the area. So you can only imagine how stoked I was for Wintour, especially since they were set to play HOB Cleveland on November 29.

I don't think I'll ever really be able to put into words EXACTLY how I felt the second I found out that Casey passed away. I don't think there are enough words to be able to do so either. All I can really remember is sobbing for hours for the next few days, and how rainy it was for those days.

Monday night I logged onto Buzznet and saw the idea for A Candle For Casey. (Which I later expanded onto myspace through my group: groups.myspace.com/acandleforcasey) I thought the idea was beautiful. So later that night, I found a candle and put Casey's name on it, and lit it. And as the flame burned, I said a prayer, not to God - but to Casey. Just asking for a sign that he was happy, and safely in Heaven.

Wednesday evening, I went downtown with my mom and dad to pay the water bill. As we drove back home, we took the long way (side streets) through the flats. I looked out over the river next to Scene Pavilion, and the way the sky looked was just incredible. It was a swirl of purples, pinks, blues, and oranges. The sun was setting through the clouds, and the rays of light hit the water and made it shine. The clouds looked so fluffy, and some seemed as though they were shaped in just, goofy ways. I took pictures, but they didn't capture it anything like my eyes did. I guess it's one of those things that has to live in memory.

My eyes teared up a little, and a smile came across my face. Because I just knew it was him. I knew it was Casey. It was the sign I hoped for, the sign I prayed for. Casey was home, safe and happy.

I know the question that is most popular at this time is, "Why Casey?"

God called Casey back to him, because it only took Casey 26 years to earn his place in heaven as an angel.

People like Casey don't actually die. They only pass on to the sequel, the second part of life. They move onto bigger and better things, and in a better place. People like Casey are one in a million - legends...and legends live on.

<3

http://groups.myspace.com/acandleforcasey

Labels: aiden, angel, bayside, casey, casey calvert, death, God, hawthorne heights, heaven, legends, life, love, memories, music, silverstein, victory records

posted by LyssaLoveless at 11:07 PM

September 8, 2007 7:20 PM

'Open Letter'

Dear you,

I hate that I feel any emotion for you at all. I hate that not a single feeling you give me is subtle. I hate the way you make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I hate that you make my heart pound, and skip beats. I hate that you never fail to make me smile with your own. I hate the way you make me feel so great, but then again you make me hate myself. I hate that you have that habit of making me feel like something special; or that I have any place in your life at all - because I know that I really don't mean a thing.

I sometimes regret ever meeting you in the first place. I sometimes wish you weren't so cute with me that one night. I kind of wish that you never spoke to me that night, or those days. You sometimes make me want to shoot myself. But, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't feel anything for you, or if I said I didn't love you.

And I'd rather be a (not your)lover than a liar.

For(n)ever yours,
Me.

Labels: butterflies, emotion, feeling, forever, heart, letter, liar, lie, life, love, lover, never, rant, smile, special, yours

posted by LyssaLoveless at 11:05 PM

August 26, 2007 5:52 AM

'Crushescrushescrushes'

The melody of their voice orders chills through your vains, and so perfectly pleases the taste buds in your ears. Whispers that order you breathless. Smiles that make your legs shake like polariods, and sparkling eyes that cause pounding hearts and lumps in throats. Standing so close, the feeling of their breath lingers over your skin and sends shivers down your spine. But then, there's tears over a significant other that is someone other than you. Hopes that the light will be hitting you in just the right way the next time they look at you. The way that'll make them say, "Wow, that's who I should be with...that's who I need." Crossing fingers for phone calls. Endless page refreshing in hopes of a new message. Praying that you could just be what they want, because God knows they're what you need. Wanting to just stand up and scream, "Hey you! You make me weak, and this is nothing short of love..."

I want someone to sweep me off my feet, but with my luck I probably have gum stuck to my shoes.

Love is annoying - but I want it.

Labels: chills, eyes, gum, hope, love, luck, melody, phone, pray, scream, shoes, skin, smile, tears, voice

posted by LyssaLoveless at 11:02 PM

July 12, 2007 1:20 AM

'The Jigsaw.....then rants.'

It's one of my favorite places in the dumb little state of Ohio. I love places that have a dirty feel, with a bar. I honestly love being surrounded by smoke, and drunk people, and people such as myself. I love being around people that can make me smile.

I love when how you find someone who just completely lifts up your confidence. Because Lord knows I have zero. And when you find someone who just makes you feel so good, and just makes you love your life, it's amazing. It's completely beautiful. Even if it's just for one night, or a few hours. Finding someone like that is glorious. You just never want to be too far from them because you never want to lose the feeling they give you too soon.

But then after a while, you realize, "Shit. I'm so not what that person wants." Or someone jumps in and just, ruins it, and makes you feel like total shit. And it just fucking sucks and it hurts. It sucks to feel as though you're never going to be what someone wants, or be what someone's looking for. Or maybe you are. Maybe you're just perfect for that person, it's like a hand in a glove. A foot in a slipper, yin to yang. [Which ever way you describe.] But they can't see past exterior, because that's what our world teaches people.

MTV, internet, fashion magazines, MYSPACE. Stupid shit like that has the biggest effect on people. It's sickening. It really just makes me ill that people follow what they see.

It's acceptable to act like this, or to look like this. This is how you should look, feel, speak, dress, dance, act, etc. People don't have their own minds anymore. They follow everything as though it's meant to be a trend. Everything is becoming cliche. Think for yourself, dammit. Those magazines, and those girls on myspace, and fucking MTV are not going to be around forever. Don't let those things alter who you are. Don't be superficial and shallow because of what society is showing you. It isn't right, and it's wrong.

I'd much rather prefer someone hating me or judging me on how I act rather than how I look. Personalities can be fixed simply, they can be altered in a second. Your face is there for good [in most cases], unless you have the millions of dollars to fix it.

Nobody is actually ugly.

Everyone sees beauty in different ways, in different light. You may think someone is just absolutely hideous, but there's someone out there that looks at that person and sees beauty in them. There's someone out there that just, sees that persons greatness. Just like you may find someone to be extremely attractive, but there's someone out there who disagrees with you.

People see things differently, we all look through different eyes. Some similar, but never truly the same. Everyone feels things differently, but all know the different emotions that people experience, and we all know how it feels to feel like shit. We all know what it's like to feel on top of the world with joy, even if it was short lived.

People are people. Girls will be girls. Boys will be boys.

But girls and boys, be who you really are. See people for who they really are. Because boys, you're girlfriends fake boobs aren't going to actually be there for you. Girls, that foot ball star boy of yours isn't always going to be a big shot. You're super cute, super popular significant other isn't always going to be super cute. Nor are they always going to be super popular.

That shit isn't going to comfort you, or be there for you when you need it. Look past the glossy pages of Vogue, and those other magazines. Look past the glowing light of your computer screen.

Look into peoples eyes, and see and feel. Get to know people. Judge once you've learned something. You might just give up something beautiful. And I promise you that you'll be kicking yourself in the ass for it if you do.

Oh shit. I think I'm done.

< / rant. >

Labels: boys, confident, cute, emotion, fake, feel, girls, happy, jigsaw, looks, love, mtv, ohio, people, popular, rant, superficial, ugly, vogue

posted by LyssaLoveless at 10:59 PM

July 7, 2007 4:35 PM

"Sell Outs?"

A 'sell out' is someone who alters their image, and their music in order to sell records.
Selling out is forgetting about the music, and not giving two shits about what they're writing/playing so long as it sells. It's pretty much making fake music.

Recently I've seen comments left on Viadora's page by some children calling them 'sell outs' because they have Christian chosen as one of their genres.

It just completely irritates me to see something that inaccurate being said. Because in my opinion, I think Viadora is one of the most genuine bands I have ever seen in my life. They're one of the few bands that you can see live, and just sense it immediately that they're in this because they love it. Not because they want to be fucking 'rad!' or 'awesome!'.

It is so common now a days to hear someone say, "I'm in a band." It's something that people are doing just to say that they are. Many bands that you stumble across aren't making music for the right reasons. Their intentions aren't to try and reach out to people, or express themselves. Their intentions are to nail a few chicks who are impressed by the fact that they're in a band. Their intentions are to conform with anyone and anything they have to in order to make it big, and become celebrities.

I first heard of Viadora back in January, maybe February when I heard they were going to be playing a benefit show for my cousin Danny at The Jigsaw. So I decided to check them out, and I really liked their music.

I never did get to go to that show, but soon after I found out they were playing BAM's CD release show, so I decided to gather up some of my friends and go check them out.

We ended up talking to Sam for quite a bit before the show, and we picked up their CD and our tickets from him. He was extremely nice to us all, and that's always a plus when you're in a band. ha.
Anyway, show time came for them, so my friends and I moved ourselves to the front of the stage.

I was seriously, blown away by their set. Honest to God, it was one of my favorite shows. There's just this chemistry that you see when they're on that stage, and it's incredible. They're all so into what they're doing, but they're also having fun. It's obvious that they're making music because it's what they love, and because they know it's what they're meant to be doing.

They are the furthest thing from sell outs that I've ever seen. I have so much faith in this band, that it even baffles me. This is one band that I believe will always be doing what they're doing for the right reasons. Whether they sign to some huge label or not, I don't see them 'selling out'.

If the Lord inspires them, motivates them or plays any part what so ever in the music they make, then so be it. So long as the music they're making is genuine, then don't worry about what their influences are. If their music touches you, or you can relate to it, then don't question it.

< / rant. >

* With this being re-posted here, I would like to add this:

VIADORA

It's been almost two years since I've known these guys. I've watched them grow and I've witnessed a change in both their music and the band's line up. Earlier this year, they added a member. Manny joined the band as vocalist, he did the screaming and Sam kept his place singing and playing the keys. After a few months with Manny, he and the band parted ways, still on good terms. Recently they played their last show of the year and invited Manny back to play it with them. I unfortunately missed this show due to travel distance. However; I was informed that it went very well, one of their best shows.
This morning I, along with other friends and fans learned that Justin had "resigned" from the band. He left a blog entry on both the band's myspace page, as well as his personal:

" I hate to say this, but unfortunately I'm leaving the band "Viadora." I've been with this band for years and years now, and I feel as though my time has been spent with them. These 5 members have not just been band members to me, but the best of friends one could ever ask for.

I'm playing in another project now, called "Fear me! For I'll Sink This Ship." It's more my style of music, and in a different direction than Viadora.

I leave Viadora with the best of luck always, but my friendship won't ever end with these people I've spent the last few years giving my passion and talents to, and will continue to support them, be the same friend I always have been, and help them out anyway that I can.

-Justin "

I was quite shocked and very upset to hear find this out; but no doubt, I still have mad love and respect for Justin. Whether he is in or out of Viadora, he's a great dude and a wonderful musician. Anyway: I love, support and believe in this band with all my heart. I've written labels, harassed kids at every show I go to and post all over the internet for these guys. They are one of the bands that keep me from losing faith in music. I only hope that they don't let this loss end the band, because I know I for one, would be devastated.

But I love these guys very much and I support them all in whatever they decide. I just hope there is more Viadora in the future because the Ohio music scene needs these guys - and so do I.

I urge you all to check them out as well as other projects from the members of Viadora:

Epic Like A Lion

Fear Me! For I'll Sink This Ship

Labels: awesome, band, boneyard, christian, epic like a lion, fear me for I'll sink this ship, genuine, God, heart, i am a dreamer, love, music, ohio, resign, respect, sell out, shows, support, viadora

posted by LyssaLoveless at 10:34 PM

I'm just starting this, I'll be adding old posts from my LJ onto here.
But for right now, I'm just playing around with getting stuff together. : )

posted by LyssaLoveless at 10:09 PM