I've tried, and tried for days to be able to think of something to right. And here it is, my best shot. Yes, it may be a little scattered, but so are my thoughts:
As the majority of you know, on November 24, Hawthorne Heights made a shocking and devastating announcement - their guitarist and screamer, Casey Calvert, had passed away in his sleep Friday night.
I found out Saturday night around 10:30. I hadn't been home since 6:15, when I left to go to Great Northern with my best friend. I got home from the mall around 9:00, and my mom and I ran to Wal Mart. Shortly after getting home, I went on the computer to check all my shit. I began to browse through myspace bulletins, and I stumbled across one with the title "RIP Casey Calvert! :("
I got a little scared, so I quickly opened it. The body of the bulletin read, "OMG. Is it true?!" So I slightly rolled my eyes at it, thinking it was just like all the other death rumors floating along on the internet. So I clicked back, and kept browsing. Then I saw three bulletins in a row, all with similiar headlines. I immediately began to pretty much hyperventalate. I opened the first one, and it had a quoted message from the band. After reading it, I instantly began to cry. Part of me still wouldn't completely believe it though. People have done shit like that so many times, and it turns out to be fake. I quickly pulled up Hawthorne Heights' myspace, and sure as shit, my fear was confirmed. The message was real, and right on their blog. I read it once more, and closed it. I flew up from my chair, and turned my back to the computer. I covered my face, and leaned against the wall and began hysterically sobbing. My mom yelled for me to come into the kitchen, but at the state I was in, I had no intention of getting up to help her with whatever. So she came into the computer room, saw me leaning against the wall sobbing, and asked what was wrong. I began to choke a little, but I managed to get out, "Casey...Hawthorne Heights....he passed away."
My mom didn't believe it, so I pulled up Hawthorne's blog. Honestly, I do not remember my mom's reaction. All I know is her and my little sister left me in the room alone, and me just sobbing endlessly. I looked up to the screen, and there were multiple AIM messages up asking me if I was okay, or if I heard and if it was true. I ignored all of them aside from my best friend Nicole, who asked if I was okay. My response? No.
Casey meant a lot to me, as did the rest of Hawthorne Heights. I first began listening to Hawthorne Heights when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I had stumbled upon a band called, A Day In The Life, and shortly after found out that they had changed their name to, Hawthorne Heights.
When I was in middle school, my music taste had become limited to Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Green Day and Fall Out Boy - bands that were different from Hawthorne Heights. I stopped listening to a lot of bands, and I stopped looking for new music. I was very emotionally fucked up in middle school, and those bands that I did listen to helped me out so much. But they didn't do for me what Hawthorne did.
The first time I saw Hawthorne Heights was November 29, 2005 at House Of Blues Cleveland on The Never Sleep Again Tour. Which included: Aiden, Bayside and Silverstein. Until hearing about that tour, I didn't really listen to Bayside or Silverstein, and I had only heard of Aiden once. So, I started listening to each of those bands...more and more. Then seeing them live, it just, opened up a lot to me. I started expanding what I listened too, I checked out all the Victory Records bands and grew from there. I think it's safe for me to say that I owe a lot to Hawthorne Heights. Had it not been for them, I probably wouldn't be a huge Aiden fan, or I atleast wouldn't have become one when I did. And if that was the case, I probably wouldn't have been as set on going to that very first RJA show...(the first they ever played in Cleveland.)...and what the fuck would my life be without them? Sure I did listen to Jumpsuit before that, because I found them on my own through lurkin' and stuff, and yes I had talked to them via myspace before that too. But I wasn't a HUGE fan at the time, I was going more for Aiden. Then I found out Jumpsuit was playing too, and I was like, "Okay, we'll see what they're all about. This is their test." Needless to say, they passed with flying colors....and the rest is history. Now back on track:
Since that first show, I hadn't missed a Hawthorne show in the area. So you can only imagine how stoked I was for Wintour, especially since they were set to play HOB Cleveland on November 29.
I don't think I'll ever really be able to put into words EXACTLY how I felt the second I found out that Casey passed away. I don't think there are enough words to be able to do so either. All I can really remember is sobbing for hours for the next few days, and how rainy it was for those days.
Monday night I logged onto Buzznet and saw the idea for A Candle For Casey. (Which I later expanded onto myspace through my group: groups.myspace.com/acandleforcasey) I thought the idea was beautiful. So later that night, I found a candle and put Casey's name on it, and lit it. And as the flame burned, I said a prayer, not to God - but to Casey. Just asking for a sign that he was happy, and safely in Heaven.
Wednesday evening, I went downtown with my mom and dad to pay the water bill. As we drove back home, we took the long way (side streets) through the flats. I looked out over the river next to Scene Pavilion, and the way the sky looked was just incredible. It was a swirl of purples, pinks, blues, and oranges. The sun was setting through the clouds, and the rays of light hit the water and made it shine. The clouds looked so fluffy, and some seemed as though they were shaped in just, goofy ways. I took pictures, but they didn't capture it anything like my eyes did. I guess it's one of those things that has to live in memory.
My eyes teared up a little, and a smile came across my face. Because I just knew it was him. I knew it was Casey. It was the sign I hoped for, the sign I prayed for. Casey was home, safe and happy.
I know the question that is most popular at this time is, "Why Casey?"
God called Casey back to him, because it only took Casey 26 years to earn his place in heaven as an angel.
People like Casey don't actually die. They only pass on to the sequel, the second part of life. They move onto bigger and better things, and in a better place. People like Casey are one in a million - legends...and legends live on.
<3
http://groups.myspace.com/acandleforcasey
Labels: aiden, angel, bayside, casey, casey calvert, death, God, hawthorne heights, heaven, legends, life, love, memories, music, silverstein, victory records
posted by LyssaLoveless at 11:07 PM